Out Of Order
by LittleKnux2008
Summary: Rodney covered his emotions well, but this silent action spoke volumes. [Trinity tag]


**Author's Note: **Just a tag for "Trinity" (S2). Thanks to ladybeth and sgatlantislight for beta reading! All of the Czech translations are at the bottom of the page. Feedback is appreciated as always!  
**Disclaimer:** I own zilch but the story itself; all the characters, places, etc, are property of MGM/Sony/other people who are not me.  
**Spoilers: **Everything up to and including "Trinity" is fair game - mostly "Hot Zone" and "The Siege, Part III" though.

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Doctor Elizabeth Weir smiled as she walked into the science lab. Radek Zelenka was rooting through a file cabinet, a concentrated look on his face. Once he found what he needed, he stood with the folder clutched in his hands, heading for the table when he saw Elizabeth standing in the room. "Dobrý večer, Doctor Weir," he greeted, setting the folder next to a microscope.

"Ahoj, Doctor Zelenka," Elizabeth replied, crossing her arms as Radek peered into the microscope. "How is it going?" she questioned, tilting her head. Radek leaned back, removing his glasses. He looked over at her as he rubbed his forehead.

"Špatně," he mumbled with a sigh. "Not so well at all. This technology is so far beyond us…" He placed his glasses back on his face. "But I doubt that's why you are here."

Elizabeth smiled. "No," she said softly. "I need to talk with Rodney. Have you seen him around?"

Radek hesitated. "I believe he is in his quarters. He hasn't been in here since yesterday evening." Concern was evident on Radek's face.

"All right. Thank you." Elizabeth nodded to him and turned, walking out of the lab.

"Nashledanou."

"Dobrou noc!" Elizabeth called over her shoulder. She was suddenly glad that she had taken all of those language courses. It was a link that made her a little closer to members from countries where English was not the native language. Elizabeth had found, here and there, that just a few words in their home language had a calming effect on most people. Slowly, Elizabeth's mind clambered back at the task at hand. She wished she could mull over the power of language, but there were far more important matters for tonight.

Silently, she contemplated what she had learned. Rodney was in his quarters. The news unsettled her more than it comforted her. The Rodney she knew would have been working nonstop. Inwardly she was worried that she had crossed a line yesterday when he and John had returned. This incident – had it completely undermined Rodney's faith in himself? He was such a brilliant man. She had been afraid her words wouldn't be enough to convince him that he had screwed things up _big time_; that he had gotten far too worked up about the project and the loss of nearly a whole _solar system _was the fault of his excitement. But perhaps her words had gotten to him. Maybe they had gotten deeper than she thought they did. For a moment there, in her office, as he had quietly replied, "Well, 5/6, but it's not an exact science," she had seen a glimpse of the Rodney McKay she knew before Atlantis-- the man who used smart remarks, ego, and a sharp tongue to keep anyone from delving deeper to see who he really was. His eyes had been a quiet blue; a cold, emotionless blue that had at first made her believe he wasn't giving a second thought to her words. So she had laid into him further, her voice rising, glimpsing the stares they were now getting from other personnel out of the corners of her eyes. Now she knew she had made a mistake. Rodney covered his emotions well, but this silent action spoke volumes. When trust in himself failed, he always turned to her, to John, to Radek, to know that someone else trusted him. But this time, when he had looked to them for help, he believed no one trusted him. She couldn't imagine how big of a blow this had dealt his ego, his battered psyche.

However insignificant she was amongst the things that made him return to his quarters instead of working, she was a part of the problem. Elizabeth sighed, folding her arms over her chest as she walked. There was a hard, cool knot in the pit of her stomach. She had no way to fix the damage she had caused, but she had to try. At the very least, she had to apologize.

Soon, she found herself staring at the door to Rodney's quarters. Taking a breath, she raised her hand and knocked loudly on the door. There was no reply. Elizabeth knocked again, and waited for a few long minutes before giving up on the hope that Rodney would come and answer the door. "Rodney, I know you're in there." Her voice was gentle. "I need to speak with you. Please, let me come in." She left the decision up to him. A few minutes later, Rodney answered the door. The silence which should have been broken by Rodney's excusing his delay at answering the door hardened the knot in her stomach. It didn't appear that Rodney had left his quarters since he returned. He looked bedraggled, his hair a mess, his face pale, and sunken shadows beginning to appear beneath his eyes.

He stepped aside to allow her entrance and then turned to face her. Elizabeth felt her heart skip a couple of beats. This was so different. She had the feeling that things wouldn't be quite the same again. Her eyes strayed toward the floor. He was standing, his shoulders sagged but ready to accept the blow he expected her to give. Countless hours of sitting perched on his bed together, simply chatting, rang through her head, and she did the best to clear it before addressing him. "Rodney, I…" She was a master of words, but they failed her now as her eyes finally rested on his. The reality of what the toll this had taken on him hit her hard. She wanted to take him into her arms, to convince him things would be okay, but she couldn't. Something between them had changed. She wanted to fix it, but she wasn't sure that was even possible. Elizabeth swallowed tightly. "I spoke to Radek. He said you were here," she said the words cautiously, some part of her hoping that he had been working, that things were as normal as they could be. But he simply stood, his lips unmoving. She was speaking, and he was waiting. Maybe that was what threw her off the most – Rodney McKay didn't wait. It was as simple as that– a law of nature.

"Why are you here?" His voice was raw as he said the words. Something penetrated the mask in his blue eyes, and she hated what she saw. He was on the defensive – from her. She closed her eyes tightly before opening them again. It felt like a strange, horrible nightmare.

"I wanted to apologize." And again he waited, knowing her like no one else, knowing she wanted to say more. Slowly, the words formed in her mind, and she forced herself to speak. "It was wrong of me to reprimand you that much in my office. I didn't… I didn't think you understood what you'd done. It was wrong of me… to reprimand you at all," she faltered. "You were already beating yourself up over it. You didn't need me to help." Her eyes met his, and she felt a surge of anger at herself for not sensing this earlier. She had been the one who prided herself on knowing the real McKay, but she had been duped, just like the rest of them. "I know you were excited by the weapon, that you thought you could really fix it…" She trailed off as his mouth opened.

"You're wrong." His voice was bordering on accusing. "I didn't know if I could fix it or not. I had to. For Collins." He whispered the last part before looking away.

"Rodney," she reached forward, touching his arm.

"His death needs to mean something. He died on that project, _it needed to work_. But I screwed it up. His death doesn't mean anything now," he spoke over her, bitterness in his voice.

Elizabeth drew back, biting her lip slightly. "Collins was a wonderful scientist. Rodney, his death means something to all of us – everyone is sad we've lost someone else – but don't think you have to get something wonderful out of his death. What about people who die from diseases or old age? They don't have anything to give. No wonderful power source will be made because of their involvement; they die for nothing." She fought to regain eye contact with him. "What I'm trying to say is that the memories of Collins, of who he was, that's what he would want us to remember him by. Whether or not the power source worked, he's still a hero." Rodney was silent again, his eyes averted from Elizabeth. "I know you think that no one trusts you. I know you don't trust yourself anymore," she plunged onward. "But you're brilliant, Rodney. You're not as brilliant as the Ancients, no, but you are damned close. We need you here, working. I trust in your abilities Rodney – but I don't think I believe that you can fix something the Ancients couldn't. But more importantly, Rodney, I trust _you_."

He finally looked at her, and she could see the vulnerability in his eyes. "Sheppard." He spoke the single word softly.

"He trusts your judgment and you told him you could fix it. So his faith in your judgments is gone for the moment… Rodney, I'm sure you can earn it back." She sighed, looking around the room for a long moment before speaking again. "If you still have some insane need to 'prove' Collins's death, fine. But don't think you failed. There's plenty more opportunities – but they're not going to be sitting in your quarters. You're not going to achieve _anything_ by staying here." Elizabeth stepped closer, settling her hands on his shoulders, their faces inches apart. "Regardless of what happened, you're my Chief Scientist… and my friend." She waited for a moment before continuing. "I trust you. What happened on that planet was your fault, but I forgive you. Look around, Rodney. Everyone has forgiven you – or will forgive you." Elizabeth let another small sigh escape before speaking, dropping her hands to her sides. "Now it's my turn to ask for your forgiveness. I'm your friend, and I shouldn't have screamed at you like I did."

"You're forgiven," his reply came an instant later. He knew she hadn't meant to do this to him. She couldn't have possibly known what harm her words would do when they were arguing in her office. He looked at her, and her eyes showed the gratitude for his forgiveness that she could not put into words.

"Now," she cleared her throat and stepped away, "I'll expect you in the lab first thing tomorrow." Her voice was professional as she strode toward the door, but when she caught his eye, a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

"It'll probably take me the whole day to fix everything they've –" Rodney stopped in mid sentence. He knew what it was like now, to fail. Swallowing tightly, he looked at the floor, unable to complete his sentence. The pain from his failure was far too strong, far too recent, to joke about anyone else's. "So, uh… until tomorrow," he pushed a smile on his face, but his stomach still felt empty and hollow.

Elizabeth smiled back, but the sparkle was gone from her eyes. Things had changed for the worse. But things could change again. Trust could be re-earned. Perhaps nothing would be quite the same… but maybe, just maybe… it was for the better.

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**Dobrý večer** – Good evening  
**Ahoj** – Hello  
**Špatně** – Bad  
**Nashledanou** – Good-bye  
**Dobrou noc** – Good night

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End file.
